Updated: Oct 20, 2020
This post is written to help males in society who are struggling with many inner problems and social challenges, to hold themselves to a better standard, take responsibility and accountability for themselves, which will help them, as well as the world we live in. After all, changing the world starts within and radiates outward, in other words, leading by example and influencing others to do the same. Being a man doesn't start with a position of status or wealth amassed, it starts with an attitude and composure to life. It matters little where one is at on the financial or status level. Don't dwell on your failures, work to transform them instead (see my article The Alchemy of Failure: Life Transmutation of the Hard Lessons Learned). It only matters the approach and attitude one applies to pulling oneself up and onto the journey of living by deed in the pursuit of one's success, the rest will come in time.
Being a man is also about morality and the self-control of your being. Anyone can function solely on the ego and primal level, and those who are doing this only or in excess, these are not men, these are animalistic beasts. Rather, it is how well you are in control of your ego and primal energies, the discipline you maintain over them, as well as other areas of virtue. Patience is another mark of being a man, as well as doing, rather than whining. Understand when you are being emotional when you should be rational, and vice-versa (see my article Shadows Between: The Discipline and Balance of the Emotional and Rational Mind). Being a man is about walking the walk, much more than talking the talk. Less talk, more action.
It would be wrong to say that primal energies and ego do not come into play, they certainly do, they are a necessity, but they have to be used selectively and for the right purposes in a balanced manner (see my article Nature of the Beast: Taming the Primal Energies & Egoic Mind). Use that primal, egoic energy to stand up to fear, rather than looking tough. That is just surface-dwelling by puffing oneself up to hide that little wimp inside. Be tough by facing your fears, admitting your weaknesses and acting to overcome them. A person who cannot break themselves down and configure where they need work is, quite frankly, a wimp, regardless of how physically tough they are. I'm sorry, but that's the cold hard truth.
Respect for women needs to come into play in being a man. We have seen culture drift further and further away from moral obligation, and at the present, many have taken it upon themselves to decide morality is just a construct of the mind and this led the way for moral relativism and social Darwinism. It has brought males to a polarization of either brute degenerates or wimpy little boys. Women don't find either of these attractive (see my article A Cosmic Divorce: The Subversion of Love and Genuine Romanticism). The balance between man and woman needs to be understood and restored. Decadence is no longer a path to liberation or a stable relationship. You don't have to be religious to have a moral compass, you just need compassion, care, and Will, to yourself and the world as one, sometimes this is collectively referred to as Agape.  Also, composure and some sense of etiquette goes a long way. if you want to be treated like a respectable individual, act like one.
We have all been subjected to destructive, amoral ideologies growing up, I am no exception, but there comes a time for all of us to renounce amoral philosophies and begin acting like real men again, with morals and principles, because it is this quality that factors in to being a man. It is not always about showing how macho you are, control of oneself serves as a major tenet in being an actual man. Taking what comes your way, and dealing with it responsibly, humble, like an adult, not a boy. Sometimes this includes admitting your faults and weaknesses. It is part of self-responsibility.
That's right, responsibility is a big part of being a man. It's not about how many cars you own, how many girls you've dated, how much wealth and status you have accumulated, it is not measured in these terms, because it is something you can decide to be no matter where you're at in life. It is a point in which you've decided, "I'm done with the bullshit, I want and deserve better than this, I want to live right and I'll face the music to get there." It is a blueprint and approach to life that serves your growth as an individual on the journey of life. Being a man is a way forward, to conquer and overcome, not others, but the dark reaches of self and the obstacles you face. It is holding yourself up to a standard of being the best you can be. This also includes facing fears. Indeed, it is the fear-based thinking that works in opposition to being a man (see my article The Primordial Enemy: Fear, Silencer of Life, Harbinger of Death). Fear leads us in the failure to try, failure to dive in and attempt living life to the fullest. Being a man is about refusing to accept defeat when the weight of the world is thrust upon one's shoulders. It is picking oneself up after hardship and struggle. These are just some of the factors that make a male, a man.
We are all going through something or other, in a world so out of balance and chaotic. Yet, this is part of our own undoing, all the herd-mentality, wimpy behavior, cowardice, and holding little grudges for this or that reason, usually for a dumb reason, it has forced us to devolution. It is time to man-up and face the music. Let's all put the big-boy pants on and grow the fuck up. Stop being cowards and telling yourself that you can't pull yourself together. You can, and when you do, you can start to be a man (see my article The Trickster-Self: Avoiding Our Truth by the Lies we tell Ourselves). We've all been devastated to some degree by the evils of social engineering, a toxic culture, drugs, political correctness, chronic neurotropic diseases, negative conditioning, whatever the case, but we cannot let these things be the object of our defeat, we must persevere. These are the obstacles we were presented with, so we have to accept this and make the best of it, not complain and whine about it.
Learning how your mind works by the study of Natural Law will give you the understanding and knowledge to apply into wisdom, and that wisdom can be the foundation for your being a man in a cold, chaotic, lonely world, through action. My site was set up to help the world and find a way to get through to those in need. The Trivium Method of learning will give you the skills to approach almost any subject, and apply problem-solving by having a formula for right-thinking, as the ancients had, as some private schools and Ivy League Universities still do. There are some excellent interviews with Jan Irvin and Gene Odening about the Trivium on my Trivium Method page, as prerequisite studies on the subject. This is a major advantage in knowing this secret formula of learning, it can help you in organizing your thoughts, your approach forward, and so much more.
It is not your fault you were born into a world with almost no guidance, without proper medical diagnoses, probably put on these addictive or brain modifying psychotropic drugs just to function (like I was), given hardly any functional platform in education aside from being taught to be robots that take orders rather than nurturing who you are and how you can apply your talents in the world. It is not our fault that many of our parents are almost as lost as the children are, but these are the challenges we were given and life is about pushing onward in the face of adversity (see my article Adversity is the Current in which we Transform Life and Grow).
We must tear the veil off and make our way forward, envision our power and cut through the illusions. Get inspired, hold yourself up to a better standard than this world of shit. Stop listening to those knuckleheads who say reality doesn't exist and morality is relative. They're just adding to the madness, trying to confuse you so that you feel lost and without a way forward, because they have a grudge and feel weak inside. Don't be that guy. Morality is not relative, its inherent in the human condition, and the lack of it is what is sowing the very chaos you see unfolding in the world, there is a causality, its called lack of self-responsibility. with heavy doses of immorality and ignorance.
You have the ability to reclaim your humanity and be a man, by learning how to be one and applying yourself to it with action, action, action, and a committed sense of dedication and persistence, that is the key. It doesn't mean everyone will be able to do this overnight, that's fine. Rather than overwhelming yourself with a heavy expectation, make it a long-term project, start with little things and work upwards. It ill help you learn patience while making it more bearable. If you commit and start learning to practice it for long enough, you can eventually absorb the skills and turn it into muscle memory.
Speaking of muscle, physical fitness is an excellent way to not only feel better about yourself, but feel better within yourself. It doesn't mean that you have to be this big bodybuilder, but a routine of physical exercise whether its cardio, calisthenics, or lifting weights, it will help you tremendously, especially when it comes to dealing with anger and aggression that you may have about life in general. Put this energy into a channel that can push you forward. Also, a daily routine of exercise is equally good for the mind, because it will bring you discipline, which can be applied to life in general. Envision your goals when you exercise and work out as though the strain of the workout is the way to get there. You will start to understand and respect the Will and how it shapes your world with action, while building your sense of discipline. Again, it doesn't mean you have to overwhelm yourself with long workouts at first, start small and work upwards. Think of this too as a long-term project.
I understand that a lot of single males out there are overly concerned with finding a girlfriend. You have to let go of this for the time being. I understand that this is not as easy as it sounds, but you must learn to strengthen who you are first, from within, being at peace in solitude. this is a big part of being a man. Being able to stand on your own, not being co-dependent. If there is someone you cherish and aim for, it can only help you to be at your best. As I said before, the way forward starts internally, know that it will work out, just so long as you follow the path to greatness. Those who don't believe in the magic of life will never find it.
Another thing worth noting, is that being a man is not just a point you reach where its all smooth sailing from there. It has to be maintained. I learned this the hard way. However, it is much easier to snap out of it and get with the program, when you are already familiar with it. Its a learning experience, and can always be applied again, even if you fall down in the process. Like everything in life, it takes practice and you improve and zero-in on where you need work, and if you persist in the face of adversity, the rhythm of life will bring opportunities that open up, just don't give up and you will get to where you need to go.
I've not yet reached the top of the mountain to where I want to be, but my journey is definitely underway, perhaps my journey upward has just begun. It starts when we take responsibility for ourselves, even amidst the challenges we have no control over. It does no good to complain or use this as a crutch, and say "well I can't do this because of this or that." We all have limitations. For those things you can't control or change, find ways around it. I've faced a lot of challenges to get to where I'm at, overcome many obstacles and hardships. Many of the obstacles I've had to face have killed many of my friends, and it is a sobering reminder of how lucky I am to be here today.
One of my best friends from childhood died in January 2020, battling addiction. God Bless his soul. In my life, I've also had to overcome drug addictions, serve a 2 1/2 year jail sentence, battle a debilitating chronic disease, believe me, I know what its like to be in the jaws of near-defeat, yet I keep pushing onward, being the best me I can be. Being a man is about raw determination, crafting the one or many arts we can channel in the process. Being a man is about having an ideal, being a man of principle and deed, and leading by example. I certainly believe in the principle of practice what you preach, I prefer to lead by example. We all have the ability to make this choice, if I can do it, anyone can...
* I do not own the rights to the music
 agape (n.)
c. 1600, from Greek agapē "brotherly love, charity," in Ecclesiastical use "the love of God for man and man for God," a late and mostly Christian formation from the verb agapan "greet with affection, receive with friendship; to like, love," which is of unknown origin. Sometimes explained as *aga-pa- "to protect greatly," with intensifying prefix aga-. "The Christian use may have been influenced by Hebr. 'ahaba 'love'" [Beekes].