Updated: Oct 20
This article is written to help those currently or consistently dealing with emotional turmoil because of problems in relationships, as well as those lacking the ability to keep relationships but consistently focused on the desire for one. The point of my website is to help people become aligned with Truth and hopefully ease suffering, or at least give those who are, a clear path forward. I realize this is an area bringing the world much tension and needless suffering. It is matter of fact that many people out there are suffering because of problematic or failed relationships, having grown up in a society that has become so degraded morally and misguided as to what genuine romance and the connection of Love within a relationship actually is.
So many are misguided, and instead of exercising discipline and self-control over their emotional and mental faculties, they function purely on the emotional level, with other half-understood tenets of the foundation that makes up what a relationship is and the significance of the connection between two people. My discussion is centered on relationships between a man and woman, because it is what I know, but this could apply to same-sex relationships as well, so just apply the same principles if that is the case for you.
At its very core, this is a problem of the destruction and subversion of the sacred masculine and the sacred feminine qualities within each of us as individuals, the feminine side is just the passive side, the masculine the active side. As stated in my article, Stairway to Heaven: The Seven Steps of Hermetic Intelligence and its Forgotten Eighth Principle, each individual, regardless of physical gender, has a masculine side (active) and a feminine side (passive). These are to remain balanced and each understood and nurtured, or it will throw the individual out of alignment with balance and Truth. When they suppress or act in excess of either, the result is an unhealthy mental state and the overall state of being.
This imbalance on the individual level reflects the same imbalance on the external level, including the relationships we have, and this serves as another example of the Hermetic axiom, "As Above, So Below," under the Law of Correspondence. We are very much seeing the reflection of our inner processes in the outer world and immediate relationships we hold. The imbalance will carry over when we are out of alignment with our own energies, and this will affect those of us who we love and care about, to the point of destroying it. If this is happening to you, perhaps you should begin to pay more attention to the ideas laid out on this site, as it related to the inner work of the individual. This will also have relevance in the outer work, as you understand your place in the world you live in, how it works, and that includes our immediate relationships.
We have all been affected, we are all privy to its influence, I am no exception. The education systems today are not turning out thinkers, but workers to take orders and follow directions they may or may not agree with. We are being robbed of not just our meaning and purpose, but also how our mind works and how to use it. We are not being taught the inner mechanics of the basic foundations of relationships and Love. Occultism is an in-depth body of science that studies the mechanics of our being, that being the complex interrelationship between the conscious and subconscious mind, in relation to its larger collective whole. It teaches us also, the relationship to our physical being and our respective nature.
The sex of a person has unique chemically-influenced properties, that relate to underlying emotional needs, that are often different between females and their male counterparts. They seek certain qualities, while the other seeks their own qualities. Both can have the same potential and equality in ability, but they seek unique sets of qualities in the other that are generally respective to the sex. Obviously there can be exceptions to this rule, as in same-sex-couples, but I can only speak for what I know. The active male quality is sought by the female, seeking masculine qualities, such as courage, bravery, action, and self-control, while the male seeks that gentle quality of the female, someone they can impress, protect from harm, to love, respect, and cherish as a sacred manifestation of the Divine. The feminine energy is by no means inferior or less powerful than the active masculine, they are both equally powerful, both are very respectable and necessary energies, they are just different in essential qualities. Subconsciously and by the physio-chemical makeup of the respective sex, they have somewhat different needs and wants, but they need each other, that is, the qualities of the other. They are inherently driven to seek and find it.
When the two come into alliance through a deep connection and form a partnership, they are drawn to each other, go through the good times and bad together, to live and work together as a unit of cooperation, friendship, deep admiration for each other. Sometimes the trials of Love will split them up in the early stages, but what was meant to be will eventually remain. They don't have to be overly similar to each other in personality, but they need to have proper and effective communication between them to work around their differences in personality. If one has done a lot of inner work, while the other has not, the balance will be off, and the mental baggage of the one with little to no inner work done, will affect both negatively.
That is not to say that the person cannot have a lasting or successful relationship with the other, but that until that person is honest with themselves and begins to take self-responsibility by beginning that inner work, the relationship has the odds stacked against it. It should at least be reassuring to the beginners, that most of those who have done the inner work, would be patient and understanding enough to stick around and offer their support to the other, if they feel the other is making an honest plan to work on themselves and move forward. Indeed, they could even be a source of great support.
Twisted Values and the Degeneration of Morality
It is very unfortunate that culture has been in steady decline since the 1950's. Culture has become increasingly more unstable and imbalanced. The values of morality have been only associated with religion and the rise of moral relativism has become a rule of thumb in the ideologies of most people. Those who see themselves as intellectual and science-driven, have ascribed to forms of atheism with the same religious fervor as the evangelists do for their dogma. Unfortunately, discarding the Christian religion for a cult of science, took the morality out of the equation, while remanifesting the same undesirable quality of dogma and intolerance.
The upside of the Christian religion was that it gave its culture a set of moral laws to keep the balance and homeostasis of society with more structure in morality. Unfortunately, they oftentimes took this in excess and this turned into unhealthy superstition and obedience without logic. They began to blindly follow, and the evils that overtook the religious institution for power and authority corrupted it to such an extent that it compromised it as a whole, while proclaiming all of its competition as the servants of the Devil. This ignorance paved the way for the new religion of science, who created the opposing framework and lack of morality, but the same corrupt authority.
Somewhere roughly around the 1950s, the culture of America and the West, began to deteriorate. It was not overly obvious because of the increments in which this shift took place, but one event really noted this shift, as a microcosm of the macrocosm, and that was the Manson Family murders. The end of the 1960s and the paradoxical culmination of the flower power movement was disintegrated by this event, as well as the left-wing terrorism of the Weather Underground, which were communists seeking to overtake the U.S. Government and install communism. The influence of illegal drugs began to get more destructive. Culture was being slowly indoctrinated into decadence. This had definitive effects both on the individual and the foundation of relationships and family structures. Values were harder to come by, and culture began to grow darker, and more immoral.
The rise of gangsta rap, among other aspects of pop culture saw the demoralization and degradation of women, other areas of culture put focus on the decadent lifestyle, indoctrinating males to focus on their primal energies, material aims, to feed ego and carnal desires. As time went on, culture in the West became more and more out of line with health and Natural Law, morality was a thing of the past. While women began to sense and become disillusioned with this activity, they were influenced to form movements to regain this balance by competing with males to show they were not inferior. They never were inferior in the first place, it was the males who had become out of line. Woman are certainly capable of everything males can do, and vice versa. That should have never been a debate. The energies are different and they have somewhat different needs and wants, yet both energies are just as respectable. Men have a responsibility to make the female feel wanted and respected, not used and abused, and not some servant that does everything to keep the man happy if she is not happy doing it.
It was not fair to women that the special interest groups began to fuel the fire to influence them to try to be more like men in their activities to prove their worth, and it is the imbalance of inner being from the man that was the problem, not the role she was taking. Aaron Russo spoke about the Rockefeller's role in the rise of modern feminism, Rockefeller coming from a place of disrespect. It certainly does not mean that all woman should be housewives, that was not my argument. It is saying that the role itself should have never been equated with inferiority, because there are some housewives who are very happy and just as respectable in their position as the man was in his work. The subversion that took place was instilling in the woman that she had to show her worth by competing with man to prove she was able to do all the same things, rather than her being respectable and powerful as is, in her own light. This was a result of culture's degradation and destroying the sacred feminine energies within each woman of the society, which then reflected out on the relationship level.
Likewise, the men of society began to act less like men, and more like either brute degenerates or sissy little wimps. The brute degenerate form was more active in seeking dominance but lacking respect for women, while the over-feminized boys remained equally short of ideal, but some women, finding them more tolerable than the disrespectful brutes, settled for this, but oftentimes find their inadequacy to be a man, unattractive. Likewise, some went the other direction, only to be disrespected and in some cases outright abused. Many of the males in tune with their masculinity were misled into thinking that masculinity was about being derogatory to their female counterparts and letting their primal energies dictate their choices and decisions. This was also unattractive to women, because the idea that the male couldn't control their base desires was unattractive as well, just like those who had none. It was the disciplined use of primal energies, that women sought. The male should be in control of himself, able to use his primal, active masculine qualities, but not be overrun by them, and certainly not disrespectful to women in the process.
The Beauty & the Beast
Society has lost its sense of romanticism, and those that seek love, do not even understand what romantic Love is. The meaning and significance of sex in romance lost its meaning as well, in a big way. What should have been the unification of the two as a sacred act to symbolize their deep connection and care for each other, was being more often sought for sense gratification, which was never meant to be its sole purpose. It was only a secondary effect of its main purpose, that is, the act was to reinforce the sacred covenant between the two, as a harmonized, synergy of literal and metaphorical significance. physical and spiritual at the same time. It was the symbolic reunification of the whole being, the sacred masculine and the sacred feminine energies. The act was of such a sacred importance, it was the magic of this making Love that brought forth new life. It was the inherent Divine in each of them, expressed as the art of appreciation that brought forth the Creator qualities and gave it life.
Some of today's approaches to romance and relationships are about as useless and ineffective as pre-arranged marriages. Dating apps and synthesized conditions at recreating the serendipity of Love and connections usually fail in their tracks. This is because most of the men in them are desperate, and likewise the female has used it as a last resort. She is usually disappointed with the results, and for good reason. Most of the males on it are not in control of their primal energies, and in a society that sees sex and Love from the position of sense gratification, the typical result is not surprising. The female feels pressured and subconsciously can pick up on the desperation. the two qualities do not blend well together. The best relationships are serendipitous, they happen spontaneously, in the magic of life.
In recent years, my rule has been, approach all relations with women as a friendship, first and foremost. Learn to see them in the light of friendship, and you can go from there. If the chemistry is there, it will reach its inevitable romantic conclusion, if not, you can remain friends. Dating apps are a waste of time, and fast-track a process that should unfold naturally and spontaneously. Rushing is never a good thing, and those who are in a rush, are usually those who have no discipline over their primal energies. Learn to be at peace in solitude before finding it in a relationship.
In the symbolism of the tarot, several cards are analogous to what the male and female energies in relationships reflect. On the one hand, the Lovers' card symbolizes the primal energies guided by the higher, divine partnership in friendship, love and divine connection. Those guided by the lower primal energies are represented by the Devil card where those primal energies serve as a vice rather than expression of love and appreciation between two partners. Other cards, such as the Hierophant and Strength card also have significance. The strength card signifies the woman being able to trust the man with his Primal Energies, symbolized by the Lion being caressed without her having to fear being hurt. The Hierophant card serves to highlight the importance of the foundation and devotion in which they build.
Our problems began internally, and this imbalance and removal of morality is what pulled the rug from under our feet. This began to get exponentially worse with each decade. It is strange how similar the words decade  and decadence  are in that sense. Until we take the brave step of facing ourselves, doing that inner work, these characteristics will continue to get exponentially worse with each generation. By doing the inner work, we can reclaim our humanity, we can reclaim our ability to impress yet respect the other sex. Both participants in any relationship need to be harmonized, both need to understand it and take active steps to align themselves with Truth and morality. Until we understand this, romance, chivalry, and the romanticism of Love will be trampled and broken along with our Hearts, alone and without the light of company and beauty of companionship that each has to offer.
 decadence (n.)
1540s, "deteriorated condition, decay," from Middle French décadence (early 15c.), from Medieval Latin decadentia "decay," from decadentem (nominative decadens) "decaying," present participle of decadere "to decay," from Latin de- "apart, down" (see de-) + cadere "to fall" (from PIE root *kad- "to fall"). Meaning "process of falling away from a better or more vital state" is from 1620s. Used of periods in art since 1852, on French model..
 decade (n.)
mid-15c., "ten parts" (of anything; originally in reference to the divisions of Livy's history), from Old French décade (14c.), from Late Latin decadem (nominative decas), from Greek dekas (genitive dekados) "group of ten," from deka "ten" (from PIE root *dekm- "ten"). Meaning "period of ten consecutive years" is 1590s in English. Related: Decadal; decadary.